You are your best caregiver.
- When I give myself permission to do what’s best for ME, it’s best for EVERYONE.
- This Body: We only Get One.
- Do the donkey work.
- Making Space.
- Living in the Current.
Some lessons we have to learn a few times before they penetrate through the veil of the heart and the conditioned mind, while others are quick to get traction and stick with us. So, don’t be fooled, it’s not like I’m just now learning these things for the first or the last time. They have been cycling through for some time and each wave of their presence brings a deeper appreciation. While I might use different words to describe them, every time I get lighter, more free and expansive from doing the work.
The biggest lesson of the year was about giving myself permission to do what was best for me, because it’s best for EVERYONE – it’s a Win/Win. I grew up with amazing role models, who demonstrated selfless service. I learned to put others needs before my own. As my interests and responsibilities grew, I was presented with new and exciting opportunities and it became clear that without filling my own cup I didn’t have much to offer. Self Care fills our cup and we aren’t just talking about exercise and eating clean. We’re talking about time management, how you talk to yourself, your ability to stay true to who you are, not who you should be.
As I sat with how this lesson came to be, I realized there were three main practices:
1) Be Confident in No.
Saying no means you are saying Yes to something else (even if you aren’t sure what it is). If you are a YES person like me, this is so hard. When we get clear about our time we experience calendar integrity or purnatva, the expansion of time. On our list of family values we have spend quality time together outdoors. Given our collective calendar, it became clear we need to do less in the evenings to make this happen. So, it means it’s time for me to let go of the Friday FLOW class. Watch for an announcement from Lotus Bloom on the next AMAZING Friday FLOW teacher – they are going to bring a high quality Friday vibe to the joint. You’re going to love it. Not every practice of aligning our actions with our values is the most obvious or our first choice, but it became clear to me this was what we all needed. As a result of making a hard decision, my family is STOKED and students coming on Friday get a vibrant, fresh, amazing teacher.
2) Follow Your Purpose.
One of my favorite quotes in the Bhagavad Gita goes something like “It’s better to pursue your own dharma poorly than to follow someone else’s with great success.” Just because you are good at something doesn’t mean you need to be doing it. There are many ways to put your skills, tools, competence and dharma into action. Gay Hendricks in the Big Leap describes this as your “zone of genius”. I was in a career for 18 years where I was in service to my purpose, super engaged, passionate, competent, respected and after a while it became clear a new path was evolving. I wasn’t living in my “zone of genius”. As scary as it was to take the leap, I did. I needed a new way of aligning with my purpose in the world and as a result, the position I left got to evolve and grow in new ways to serve the organization in a new, expansive capacity.
3) You are Your Best Caregiver.
Taking care of my body, mind and spirit is a value. AND as a mom there are a zillion reasons to put that aside and do other things. Guilt rears its ugly head and a voice surfaces saying “You should be working, if you’re going to have childcare, you have too much fun _______ fill in the blank with on your bike, on your mat etc).” Interestingly enough my values are clear – I’m worth that investment AND Miles benefits enormously from playing with someone besides me. If I take the time to take care of ME and even pay to do it, everyone benefits from my positive attitude, capacity for patience, expansive energy and ability to serve with love.
Get Clear on Your Values:
Once I worked on my values I started to see where they were skewed from my daily actions. In addition to tuning in and getting honest with myself, I began to tease out the Brules I was living by (another great word from Vishen Lakhiani meaning bullshit rules – more on that in his book).
So, here is a simple exercise. Carve out 3- 20 minutes sessions in the next 3 weeks. Put it in your calendar.
Session 1 – Write down your values – don’t hold back. Get them all down. Don’t even edit them. Do a brain dump. Start with you and then co-create with your family, your business or collectively with the people you work with.
Session 2 – Review, refine, and edit.
Session 3 – Finalize and create an infographic to hang on your computer, refrigerator or distribute at work so everyone is on the same page.
Practice the Application: When an invitation arises, a fork in the road, a decision to be made, pull out your values and see where the opportunity matches up. If it doesn’t, it’s not aligned. Try it. See what comes up and let me know.
When we are able to truly own our story, be honest about our past and have the courage to create our future with love we are in the current of self care. This is not a selfish path. It’s one of service. When we are really honed in to our values the path gets clearer, choices become almost non-negotiable. It takes having boundaries with our time, getting clear on our purpose, our path and knowing there is no way we can give from an empty cup. Commit to spending more time filling your cup and watch how your relationships with your Self, your family, and your work are impacted with your own self care.
Everybody wins.
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Rachel Peters is a yoga teacher, yoga health coach, lifestyle and habits expert, easeful living advocate, and lover of wild places. She leads others towards Embodying Ease through a yearlong wellness & lifestyle journey to dissolve perfectionism, embody daily habits that promote mental clarity, overall ease, and deeper connection to life on this wild ride of modern living. Learn MORE today!